Tuesday, October 20, 2009

My way of coping...stay busy!

These last couple of weeks have been pretty difficult...over a month has passed since Pop passed away and I MISS HIM!  Although I knew that he was going to leave us for a better place and we prepared as much as possible, it is still really hard.  I was silly to think that the worst part was over when he was alive & suffering...boy, I sure was wrong!  I saw my Pops almost everyday for the last several months of his life...helped him with his tube feedings, crushed his pills, walked him to the restroom (usually against his will), slept on his floor several nights a week, etc.  And now, all of a sudden, he is gone.  What now?
So far, I have cried a lot.  And I do mean A LOT.  I think of him constantly, talk to him & ask him for guidance, visit his grave & take him roses (6 rosesone for each of the girls and mom), and talk about him quite a bit.  I have also received small signs that he is still with me and these make me very happy.  One of the signs that I received recently was while I was running in my neighborhood.  I passed a house and got a very strong scent of the scent of his clothes.  I only remember him smelling that way since he was sick from this last time & it was a scent that I loved.  This family must have been doing laundry and the vent must have been near the front of the house because the scent was overwhelming & immediately brought a huge smile to my face and of course, tears to my eyes.  Other signs have included songs that remind me of him coming on at random times & in random places, dreams where I am able to see him & talk to him, and very vivid memories of him to where I almost feel that I can reach out and touch him. These have all been special to me and I pray that they continue.
We have been staying pretty busy in our familythe Gonzalez children had a talent show at Antonio’s school (If I can figure it out, I will post a video of it), I ran a 5k on Saturday in honor of my cousin, Carmen, who is now in remission from breast cancer (and to help me get ready for the 1/2 marathon I’m suppose to run in Decemberyikes!), and we went to the Arboretum on Sunday & took many pictures amidst all the pumpkins (so fun!). Keeping busy helps me to feel better so I welcome any distractions! So, I will share what I have coming up to keep me busy & distracted: road trip to Boston ~ trip to El Paso for Pop’s memorial ~ possibly another trip to Boston (don’t asklong story!) ~ cruise to the Florida Keys & Bahamas with two of my cousins. It is going to be an exciting couple of weeksbut when I return, it will be time to get serious about school & work!
I better pack nowwe leave to Boston tomorrow!  :)

Carmen & I at the Race for the Cure in Dallas

More pics to come!


  1. Oh Ceci, what a heartfelt and touching post.
    My heart aches for you. You are such a strong person.

    I find it fascinating the signs you're getting from your Pops. Praise God for that.

    Hugs to you!

  2. Well you've put tears in my eyes, too. Your experience of caring for your father and the value of that time with him is such a beautiful testament to the worth of those last stages of a person's life. Even during his suffering, he was an immeasurable blessing to you. I pray God continues to console you with little glimpses of your Pops' presence in Heaven. Praise God for the Communion of Saints! Death does not cut us off! :) Love you!